Remember that sinking feeling? the feeling of embarrassment and exclusion at the words of some uncle or straight man.
“That’s for girls”
“Why are you playing with that”
You know the drill. When you want to dress up in a dress after watching the 80’s classic Mannequin with your big sisters. They got to wear mums old wedding dress and another of her frocks whilst i werked a towel (brilliantly) 💁. The need to be part of it, a member of that wonderful team. I wanted to be my sisters when they got to be free. They were my idles for so much more than just being my big sisters. They had a little of what I wished for at night. They were free to be gentle, free to sing, free to explore clothes and I was not. Not without fearing a tut and ironic sass from a man.
I loved match box cars, power rangers, had that boyish hunger for play fighting but I wanted to feel and be feminine at the same time. I wanted to put on shows and be able to be gentle with a doll. I remember something so vividly from my childhood that I constantly have thought about it for over 20 years. Whenever I see a child being told that “that’s for girls” or “you don’t want that, it’s sissy” I feel it all over again. The fantasist in me was there way back when I entrusted Santa to a secret wish. In my letter (for his eyes only of course) I included something I chose not to discuss with mum, dad or sisters. I was so young yet already full of secrets and repression. I asked Santa for the Little Mermaid barbie doll. Christmas morning came and I couldn’t enjoy opening my presents, each one was wrapped in it’s tacky excellence. One of these wrapped gifts held a toy that, if revealed could cause me utter demoralisation, embarrassment and unwanted exposure. As soon as I peeled the wrapping paper and saw Ariels hair I stopped and moved behind the door to open it in secret. It was so clear to me then that it was wrong to align my self with femininity. How lucky was I that my folks got me that doll.
As an adult and after coming out my feminine traits could be less tethered but they still were smothered by the need to be a “man”. I was now in a world where the perception of being a “good gay” was paramount in culture. A “good gay” is a gay that comes as close to being straight as possible. Have muscles, wear cable knit, get married and pass as one of the boys. Don’t be overt, don’t be camp above all else. To quote
“... you’re not like one of them gays pushing it in people’s faces”.
What that person actually means is you are as close to us as a weirdo can be, so well done.
Recently things seemed to have had a seismic shift to towards the pink, as have I. Culture is no longer tolerating fems or selling them as comedy and nothing else. Talented, brave boys are strutting unapologetically and with fierce strength (Oh My My My!). A type of strength I think only gay men and women have in their arsenal.
The Femalution is movement for everyone. I know straight boy friends feel relief from our friendship because my femininity allows them to show there femininity.
THE FEMALUTION NEEDS YOU TOO LADS!
It’s not about just fems, it’s roots lie in all of us. We can be whatever we feel we want to be, whenever we want to be. Fuck it, my inner barbie can be it all!
The perception of femininity has been construed and warped by the very culture that has chose to constrain it. Being feminine is aligning your self with the biggest power on the earth. Perhaps that’s why it’s perception has been alerted because they know how dangerous that power truly is. It’s no revelation that homophobia really comes from the patriarchies hatred of woman. A man being feminine is/was seen as the most degrading thing a boy could do. Women deal with this unfairness everyday. An intrinsic and systemic judgment on everything they choose to do.
My life has been completely transformed over the past few years because I’ve let go of everything I had imposed upon me. My femininity has been let free and it’s given me super powers! It’s the best thing since Gina G’s performance in Eurovision!
The love of women is my passion and I’m lucky to have been gifted with some of what I adore in the girls I surround myself with.
To see femininity in a boy is the most romantically attractive thing for me. Who wouldn’t want a little woman in a male partner?? My mum said to me once that “it’s a shame you’re gay because you love women” but I can have it all because the rules are being broken. Some of us have been handed the sight, we know that gender is bull shit because we have both “genders” within us. We know the secret and know through music, journalism, art and figure staking that the secrets out.
Adam Rippon, Troy Sivan, Olly Alexander I salute you!
Julian Clary, Paul O’Grady thank you for being our first brave torch bearers
The media have been forced to listen to our talents, loves, attitude and voice. The feminist movement being on fire has freed us. As women get more equality they free a little army of gays and we will be forever thankful.
Vive La FEMALUTION!!!!!!